My last name was almost Grande

My last name was almost Grande.

Or so I thought...

I was 23 years old, he was one of my brother's closest friends, and everyone (even his own very smart mother) warned me that he had a problem with...

Oh, how should I put this....um...commitment.

I fell for him anyway----hook, line, and hot tub.

He was charming. Had really nice teeth. Cuban. Lived in Miami. And he was incredibly fun.

Until he wasn't.

9 months into the relationship--he ended it on Thanksgiving Eve at his parent's house.

To say I was devastated is an understatement. After all, he was my brother's best friend!

I cried the entire plane ride home--all 4 hours.

The stewardess (ok they're flight attendants now) kept bringing me cookies and wine & nothing stopped the tears.

I slept that entire Thanksgiving Day.

I wrote letters to him that I never sent.

Sad letters. Really pissed off letters.

Even burned the letters he wrote to me in a ceremony of sorts.

I grieved that loss like a boss.

I mean WALLOWED in it.

I did everything in my power to make sense of it.

HOW did this happen?

WHY did this happen?

IT. IS. NOT. FAIR.

I wanted closure, damnit. But I'd never get it.

And even if I called or mailed the letter asking WHYYYYYY, I knew deep down the truth.

He wasn't right for me.

And that was the message I chose to ingrain in my soul.

The rejection was never about me. It was 100% all about him.

"Lisa, it's not you; it's me" took on a whole new meaning.

That was that and I never looked back.

You see, rejection is rarely about us.

More often than not, it's about the rejector.

Here's the thing: if you're anything like me, so much goodness has come after a whole hell of a lot of rejection.

I actually asked this question in our Straight Admissions Talk Facebook Group for Parents. Check out the insightful comments & add your own by clicking the photo below.

My friends, 'tis the season for a whole hell of a lot of rejection for thousands of teenagers across the world.

And you're going to want to save this email.

It's very rare for a high school senior to get everything they want.

And that's not me being negative...it's me being honest, so you can brace yourself.

For many teenagers, a college's denial of admission will be the first time they feel "unwanted."

It will hurt. And oh goodness, it's so hard when our teenagers hurt.

But, let it be.

Let them grieve the loss. For a bit.

They absolutely have a right to feel disappointed.

What they don't have a right to say is "it's not fair."

From a college's point of view, it is absolutely fair & they clearly KNOW why that student was not admitted.

"It's not you. It's us."

Read between the lines of every college's denial letter and that's what it says.

They have their reasons.

And it's very rare for those reasons to be about one grade or one class not taken or one thing that student should have done better.

Most importantly, your teen will never KNOW why they were not admitted.

The truth is that colleges are businesses, each with their own institutional priorities.

And your teenager just wasn't prioritized this year.

Our teens need to believe that. Because it's true.

If we feed their minds with "you should have gotten in! You worked so hard! You're right, it's not fair!"

We're not going to help them see the bigger picture here.

Which is...

It's not personal.

They need to hear loud and clear: "Something better is waiting for you around the corner."

If you need more support for these conversations, keep the two articles below in your back pocket from two higher ed folks I deeply respect.

​Soothing The Sting of College Admissions Decisions​

​Why You Were Denied​

They're best served about a week or so after your teen doesn't get in to the college they want.

Honestly, though, what helps the most is ensuring that your teen's college list is stacked with great fit, good bet colleges that perfectly align with their interests.

And of course, understanding how colleges pick students in the first place.

We do all of that and so much more in The Admissions Formula.

There are plenty of great matches to be made. You just need to know how to find them.

I'm grateful my last name was never Grande (no offense if yours is).

I've chosen to do BIG things in other ways.

Like help parents calm the *f* down about college admission (and I say that in the kindest way) & create a positive & healthy college admissions experience with their teens.

Stick around, friends. BIGger things are coming.

With gratitude,

Lisa McLaughlin, M.Ed.

Founder/CEO

​The Admissions Formula​